Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Growly: def; being irritated at every little thing, like a bear growling at everything.

Yes, this is a term in my house, used to refer to individuals with a bad case of "gumpyitous". Lately, that has been me. I am irritated at every little thing.


Oh, pick a thing! 

Life is sometimes smooth sailing, and sometimes choppy, but other times, it isn't as bad as we think it is. I think this is one of those times for me. I had a rough patch a few weeks ago where it really felt like a lot was closing in around me and I am still having a hard time shaking the feeling of the angry two-year-old stomping her feet.

My internal toddler is quite the lip-pouting, grudge-holding, feet-stomping, taking-my-ball-and-going-home type. We all have them, but they are as unique as the individual. I know some people who have the sad, broken hearted internal toddler, while others have the overly excited toddler. They appear when the most primal of our emotions get stirred, whether deep sadness, hurt or happiness. The strong emotion causes a facet of you to appear on the surface, a coping mechanism that helps process the situation.

For me, anger usually brings out that terrible toddler, the one who has to have everything her way or she won't play with you anymore. Happiness brings out the carefree college girl, silly and fun-loving. And sadness brings out the hurt little grade-school girl who just wants to sit alone and cry.

We all have multiple personality disorder to some extent - the different stages in our lives imprint the most primitive of emotions and those are the ones that come out when the emotions get strong. It is important to understand and embrace them, as they are all a part of the complex person I am. I don't always like them, for the sad school girl often rejects the one thing she needs (comfort), while the tantruming toddler often says things she doesn't mean or can seek vindication.

I can step back and see when one of these parts of me has come to the surface. I have examine what I did to create the situation I was in, whether lack of sleep, hormones, or the weather. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it allows me to take possession of what I did wrong in the situation and try to repair any damage that I might have caused.

It isn't always bad though. That toddler can often say things that my normal frame of mind would never dare say, while the college girl enjoys just being carefree. I have had times when I have said or done things while in this mode that have been brilliant or empowering. I look back later and shake my head at what possessed me at that moment and chuckle.

So if you take the time to break down your own self, which part of you comes out when? Is this a good thing for you? Share with me - I'd love to hear!

Right now, it is time for the grumpy toddler to go to bed though - she gets REALLY grumpy when she doesn't get enough sleep!

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