Ugh, motivation. What I am seriously lacking as of late.
Dictionary.com defines motivation as "the act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way" and "the state or condition of being motivated". As of late, my motivation seems to come in fits and starts, with one day I am motivated to do something and push myself to do it, while the next day, I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. It is a constant battle to motivate myself and not let the exhaustion overwhelm me.
Some people may look at me and think, "What are you whining about? You're a stay-at-home Mom. You're just lazy! You have all the time in the world when your kids are at school to get things done, you just choose not to."
Actually, the sheer aggravation I have at not getting things done should be enough to push that motivation into the red zone, but those feelings are in direct competition with the overwhelm of knowing how much I have to do and how much time I need to catch up with myself.
This is what happens when life gets out of control. People who work outside the home know the scenerio quite well - your boss comes and gives you an project and a deadline to get it done. You have co-workers that you have helped with their projects before, but when you ask them for help, they remind you that they have their own work to do, and if you couldn't have handled the job, you shouldn't have accepted it. So now you know that this you're going to do 99% of the work. But you also have other jobs that need to get done. So, you try to get both things done at once. Then, your boss's boss comes and asks you to do another favor, because your reputation of being a reliable person is known around the office. So now, you have your original job, plus your boss's project, then this new project. Sure, you can do it! You are a go-getter! You like to do things for people to make them happy. Not a problem at all.
Then, your car breaks down. You don't plan for this. You've done everything you thought you were supposed to to make sure your car was in working order - you had the oil changed, you have the brakes done, you even make sure you keep on top of those tire rotations. But suddenly - poof - no car. And no way of getting to work.
You call and ask some of the people you work with to give you a lift, but they can't because you don't really live on their way into work and they have so much to do, they can't be late themselves. Oh, and the mechanic tells you that it will be several days before the part comes in and so sorry for the inconvenience.
You think that you will be okay, since you've been doing okay until then, juggling all the balls in the air so perfectly. But it just takes that one dropped ball to set the whole thing off balance. Now you are dropping balls left and right. You go chasing after the balls, but every time you go to pick one up, it just ends up bouncing off your foot. They are slippery, bouncy little buggers.
You finally get them all picked up, and you realize that you have forgotten how to juggle.
You get back to work, and realize that no matter what you do, you can't seem to catch up. Deadlines approach, people get angry, and you know you are working so hard, but it just isn't hard enough. You throw the balls up in the air, hoping magically, you remember how to juggle, but all that happens in the balls come smashing down on your head.